I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
