Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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