She is in my trunk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Boobs speak an international language.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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