No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think people are normalizing furries
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
