i barfeds in our rink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
