Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
