69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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