I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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