I want you more than these girls want KFC
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
