a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
