i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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