what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
