i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
