spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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