Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
