This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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