So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
