Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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