It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
