hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
