Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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