you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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