The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
