i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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