Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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