I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
