My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
