Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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