So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize