Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
