trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
