Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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