I looked at my own cervix.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
