that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
