just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize