new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
