Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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