I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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