They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
