Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize