can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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