Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
