speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
