You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
