At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
