I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize