They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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