Please, let me fuck your mom
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
