have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
