Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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