Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
