speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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