dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
