I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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