I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize