At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
