apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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