susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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