On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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