Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
