My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
