weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
