We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize