she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
