I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
