We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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