Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
