Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
