I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
only if we run a train.
done.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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