call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize