I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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