wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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