I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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