My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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