no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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