It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Houston, we have a squirter
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
