i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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