I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
