I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
40s are totally the cure
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
