Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
