I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
