Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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