He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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